The day we found out we were pregnant was a day like any other. George, our copper rooster on the roof, was probably pointing east as usual, the house must have still smelled of coffee from the morning ritual. Fintan came home at dusk saying “here you go” whilst placing two packs of pregnancy tests on the table. “Ok” I say ” so….shall we do it then?”
And off I go, proceeding with the unorthodox urinating style, placing a few drops of the camomile looking liquid on the designated spot of the pregnancy test. Fintan and I must have looked like two morons standing over it waiting for the magic to happen. The magic did happen. That little mischievous line did turn purple looking like a twin sister to the existing one next to it, proving the test positive.
“Oh my god Fintan….I am pregnant”
“Do the other one” he goes. I did it to make him happy. I knew I was. I even knew before the confirming farce of the pregnancy test. Not only I could find proofs in my body, but I had a weird episode a few days earlier when I woke suddenly in the middle of the night, raising up pushed by this tangible thought, loud in the silence of my sleeping mind that blurt out “I am pregnant!”.
Then Fintan and I sat on our twin armchairs facing each others. He smiled an ineffable smile. I managed to fill the space between us with a string of “Oh My Gods”, all pronounced in different tones as thoughts were racing through my mind. Oh my god! – Oh my god??!! – Oh my god…. – OH.MY.GOD.
It was a happy feeling then when I thought I might be pregnant, but seeing the proof in those two purple lines was a whole new business. It is true. It is happening. Not just a “might be” crowned by the romantic pastel coloured ideas that go with it, the bright images of a beautiful child looking just like us, the happiness of the moment he’ll utter his first words, me taking the picture of him sleeping calmly in his white cot. Instead I now am definitely, unquestionably, utterly pregnant. The romance got immediately suffocated by multiple grey logistics related thoughts,anxieties, heavy images of responsibility and freedom deprivation and the need of re-plan our unplanned lives.
I can’t believe this was already five months ago! I then learnt to understand that all the rainbow of emotions I went through, the premature worries of having to buy a car seat or having to explain to him how children are born (clearly more urgent thoughts than having to find a midwife or a suitable hospital of course!), the weird sense that my life had changed as quick as the turn of colour of that line, all of the unorganised craziness that went through my mind was purely hormones induced.
I now have a distinguished bump, no longer mistakable for excessive eating roly-poliness, my boobs are blooming in a way they should have been years ago, I am educating myself on washable diapers and baby carriers (oh, how boring!), enjoying my returned energy levels after the first three months of fatigue and mild nausea, and looking towards what’s to come with new eyes.
I have even started feeling some fluttering going on in my tummy which never fails to make me stop in awe to the wonder that is happening to me: I am growing a person inside of me, how marvellous!